The Girl Who Knew Too Much
Just me, a glass of wine and my neurotic ideas marked by compulsive thinkingSaturday, July 26, 2003
sometimes running is like a chore while other times it can be the most therapeutic experience. Yesterday I had a beautiful run--my rthythm and breathing were unstoppable and I moved with grace and bounce. It's hard not to enjoy life when it can flow into such a beautiful pattern with your body. I am about to hit the road now this morning. I hope I have a good one.
Friday, July 25, 2003
I am a chronic "pee-er" i always need to pee. I am fascinated by detective books because detectives usually live solitary lives similar to my own. im going out tomorrow and hope i can find the desire to randomly hook up with someone because it has been too long since i have kissed another human being. this may require getting drunk. i have to pee right now. im fucking tired. the life of david gale is a horrible movie. i dont know what want to do tomorrow. i have to clean. i need to buy toilet paper. i think im also almost out of saran wrap. i made muffins and they turned out well but i dont like eggplant in my casserole and chicken broth works a lot better than stinky beef broth. my leg is shaking i have to pee. i pee about three times in the middle of the night. this is a problem, no? David Gale was a pretentious waste of my free time. but it was cheaper than lara croft. not by much, however. pee time. adios.
Thursday, July 24, 2003
Today is the work "beach party/annual meeting" Of course it is terribly humid and icky out...and I'm really not looking forward to all the comments I will invariably receive at the cookout. Yesterday I literally snapped at two of these ladies who were snickering over my weight--i just said I'm sick of hearing people complain about their weight and not do anything about it. It's not like youre born one way or the other--if you want to lose the weight you can--people do have a choice in these matters. Then they threw this psychological bullshit of using food for comfort and my response: so deal with why you're searching for external comfort first. Clearly it means youre not happy or dealing with stress well. God, life is so difficult...the few things that you can control about yourself should be those things you take the most pride in. I think people can be proud to be any weight--as long as they are happy--just don't complain if you're not going to do something about it.
ahmen. it really is just disgustingly humid today. its the kind of morning where i felt like i was showering in sweat while running. I think I've fallen in love with the male british yoga instructor at Healthworks. he is not particulary attractive and most likely gay, but i just love the height and the accent. Can't beat a tall British bloque. :) God, i MUST be horny! Well time to go get rid of my bikini line--wouldn't want to shock the male co workers in my bathing suit with a tuff of beav.
Monday, July 21, 2003
All day long I've been so tired and sore and can't seem to find the remedy. I keep eating and stretching to try and get some energy but it just isn't and wasn't happening today. There's so much pressure I feel on me right now that I'm finding it difficult to just relax. Especially at night when relaxation seems most natural. I need to pee and think I'm going to resign myself to sleep. i'm feeling a little cornered and lonely at the same time--how is this possible? When I'm on the T I am always planning what to do when I get home. Then I usually look up and catch someone staring at me and think, "wow I'm just going home to make dinner and go to bed. I am such a loser. Everyone else either has someone or at least have the guts to be looking for someone."
Sunday, July 20, 2003
I can't believe I'm going to type these two words, but, I'm bored. And well, it sucks. It's not as if there aren't things I could be doing, i just don't seem to want to be doing any of them. Isn't that what boredom is? The inability to entertain yourself? I think i just need some company man...I'm always by myself, by myself, by myself. It's nice and all but it can also get fucking old. I need to go out more. I need to meet new people. I need to find something to do RIGHT NOW! :) It's actually not as bad as all that...if anything it feels kinda nice to be bored. so i think i'll go do something then :)
After a month and a half of giving up on ever installing a towell bar (and bumping into daily the man who sold it to me, who always inquires after it) I have tackled the task and it worked, it actually fucking worked. I can't describe this elation--it's like a huge weight has been lifted. So silly that a dumb towell bar has been causing me such grief, but it is ABSOLUTELY THE CASE! And now Im just like "WOW! I need to redo my bathroom!" Ah, my house REALLY IS coming together. I still have no idea what I'm going to do today, but I hope it follows the wonderful track i've been on thus far. Im so happy I could kiss the sky. (My hand kind of hurts though from pushing in the thingies--dig the technical term--but I view them as hard earned battle scars and will suffer through the pain glady. Oh, and i didn't even break a nail! That's talent. Ok, well I'm off to do something--what you ask? Only me to decide...heh heh heh. I love it!
