The Girl Who Knew Too Much
Just me, a glass of wine and my neurotic ideas marked by compulsive thinkingWednesday, February 19, 2003
Sometimes i don't get how the smart people of the world can act the stupidest. I also don't know why it is the people who seem to care the most often are those who annoy me the most. like why does this kid jon IM me all the fucking time? Doesn't he get it that i'm too busy to hang out and i will never make out with him? i have all these people who don't know me and don't REALLY care about me in my life...and no one on the inside. and sad but true everyone of these "sort ofs" are male. Funny that all i want right now is either some really good ass or a nice girlie night...i think im going to have a marilyn monroe night after work and rent how to marry a millionaire and gentlemen prefer blondes. im getting worried about midterms--i dont know how to handle free time. the age old ann problem. i have about two hours to kill after i get home from work in which i don't have any homework i HAAAVE to do but i feel like i should start on SOMETHING. God, i am such a loser. I don't know where this drive comes from but it has eroded all aspects of my life and left me feeling somewhat robotic but oddly content and proud. I still know i'm terribly vulnerable... (reference valentines day entry) .... but no one seems able to penetrate that vulnerability yet--when they do i'll probably want to marry them. that's all i want in a man: someone who is strong enough to take the control away from me. i run such a tight ship in my own regard, i would love to meet someone who could run me in a new way. I don't think my mate exists though--he's too perfect in my mind and i have yet to meet someone even close. I am not sure, but i think i may be able to be ok with being single forever...i bet that's untrue though.
