The Girl Who Knew Too Much
Just me, a glass of wine and my neurotic ideas marked by compulsive thinkingFriday, June 20, 2003
i don't mean fucked up drunk either.
P.S. I am fucked up. I want my little Mexican.
AM I EVER GOING TO GET LAID? repeat: AM I EVER GOING TO GET LAID? repeat: AM I EVER GOING TO GET LAID? I don't know whats wrong with me. Sex makes me uncomfortable. VERY uncomfortable. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK. SEX SEX SEX whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Can't i find someone i WANT to fuck? Guy: hot. friend of friend. tall, HOT. LIKES ME. FUCKING STUPID! FUCKING STUPID! But shit when he touched me while we were dancing i was about to cum. My god it felt so good. Is it bad to have sex with someone whose dumb but who turns you on? Where do you draw the line? Should i start to BECOME(be cum) Samantha? Guy #2: CHAD. SHORT, cute, a little smarter but still...can we get a DUMB DUMB. though he wasn't "fucking stupid" he was a jack ass smart allic type. Man but Guy #1 was the kind of guy you marry and live in some suburb and have children and he drinks beer and cheats on you with hoes from the local bar. SAD SAD life with that one. I WANT TO HAVE SEX. Goodnight.
I had an amazing run this morning. Maybe its something to do with the influx of protein i have infused into my diet, but my workouts this week have been phenomenal. I bought new running shoes yesterday and i practically flew over the road. I felt like a machine....not human but a powerful animal, running faster than i ever thought i could. Truly great! I also bought a new purse and a pair of shoes i didn't need (slap wrist) My god...i really do have a problem. whenever i open the window i open all the fucking doors when it comes to shopping. but i made me so happy! im sick.
Yesterday I talked to my fellow BU intern at New Directions for the first time. She is only a freshman and very....young. Whats disturbing is i felt i needed to try and laugh about stoners and tell my own silly party stories so as not to seem stuck up. i mean she is such a sweet girl--shes just young and likes to party and works at herrel's ice cream where they get stoned all the time and make fun of all the rich Mommies who come in for ice cream. thats cool....i used to be like that as well...but i couldnt just let it be without laughing and giggling and telling a story about drinking while working at campco. i ddnt feel i needed to prove anything to her about my "coolness" i just felt i needed to prove to her that i wasnt an uptight anal bitch who doesn't drink or smoke and likes to stay inside all day and read. I just didn't want her to think i had no sense of fun. man, im so lame. im like those other people at work who do the same thing to me when i talk about going out.
ok time to start the day rolling. im happy, and i love my life.
Thursday, June 19, 2003
sometimes i think the most tedious thing about work is just finding a way to kill the time. its 12 30 and i have nothing to do. granted, there are things i could pursue doing, but why would i do a silly thing like that? anything that is not assigned to me beforehand is something that a monkey could do. i wish there was a way to extricate pimples from your face in one zap. BLAH I dont like not feeling perfect! i want my nails to grow and my skin to clear. i want my cellulite to disappear and my stretch marks to vanish. I want the red spots on my feet gone and the bruises on my legs to heal. i want larger breasts and a shapely ass. i want to get the fuck out of work right the fuck now. i hate being bored more than anything else. and im bored now.
its hard for me to get out of the habit of always feeling rushed in the morning. Well, moreover always feeling rushed period. Sometimes i wish time didn't exist and you could form your day solely around your body's timetable. I am so full of energy in the morning--today i almost killed the machine at healthworks--but after being up for only three or four hours i am ready for some rest. I basically have sporatic bursts of energy throughout the day until around six or so when i am born again. why does this happen? If there's nothing i hate more its feeling tired all the time. i don't want my life to be ruled by my body's fatigue. I have a shitty underground pimple and it hurts. i hate those fuckers. it makes you feel ugly...and well, tired. LOL. I dont know...maybe i need more protein. What is a good source of protein aside from meat which i am not bringing a hunk of to work today? eggs? nuts? Nuts....that might be a little easier. Lately I have been pondering how i really feel about shorter men. although typically i go for taller guys...i seem to have a soft spot for the shorties as well. When youre a tall girl and you walk with a hot shortie you really feel like his pimp model girl...and there's none of that constant cuddly or hip to hip walking because it's well...uncomfortable due to the height difference. and seeing as i hate obsessive cuddling and touching this is a huge plus. but then i see tall men and they are just so beautiful!
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
So remember when i began this day all optimistically. Can i tell you the exact turning point? Getting my coffee from Seattles Best...having it not be filled to the top (per usual) and having to wait behind this Mexican construction worker while he tediously occupied the entire cream counter fixing two coffees--sugar, cream, sugar, cream..it's like he had a secret recipe and no fucking measuring spoon so he had to taste and tweek, taste and tweek. it did me in. I arrive at work--guess what? My boss is on vacation. How nice of her to tell me...prepare me...OPEN my office for me. Had to call in Carolyn from her day off to get my shithole of an office open, only to be plagued by tired legs and borring excel work. REALLY borring excel work. BLAH BLAH BLAH. It's also raining and my cell phone has ceased to work all together and im afraid im going to have to buy a whole new one because i didn't get insurance. FUCK FUCK FUCK. Why does Verizon have to suck so bad? Did i mention it was raining? Is God incapable of giving us a week without rain? Could I please transfer my wardrobe to summer? I ALSO HATE MONEY. I would love to meet courtenay after work and go get dinner at au bon pain but thats just ten dollars i dont have...and i know i have food at home. but what if verizon takes too long, i dont make it home--am i susposed to SKIP dinner? * Agrravation* OK, breathe...these things are truly trivial Ann. Shut the fuck up. RELAX SHIZZZ BIOTCH. ok, done. mental mind fuck complete. back to excel. god this is great. thanks i love rain and please, lets make it a twenty dollar dinner and a new cell phone bill.
I think UPS is the lamest company in the world. So i have a package...so they "deliver it" but they just sort of come to my front door to the apartment complex and go *shes not here* and leave an obnoxious post it note. Like hello, LOOK AT THE CALL BOX YOU FUCKING TOOL. If i have to trek out to watertown again to get my toaster oven i will personally murder UPS. I think there are a lot of problems with the larger corporations that have taken over America. (Ahem, Verizon Wireless). Though i may not sound like it though, i am actually in a great mood. I hope work goes swiftly and I soon find myself meeting dear court at the theatres in order to FIND NEMO. I am a little tired but i also think its going to be a good day. So much of a good day is dependent on how much you want it.
WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love summer!
