The Girl Who Knew Too Much
Just me, a glass of wine and my neurotic ideas marked by compulsive thinkingSaturday, August 30, 2003
So there's a boy that I'm kinda interested in and I am seeing him tonight. it's exciting to think I could be interested and it's scary to think he couldn't be interested. The problem with opening yourself up to love once again is the increased vulnerability you have to be hurt. I don't think I want a boyfriend right now or anything but I wouldn't mind some tenderness in my life once again. It's been so long since someone has touched me lovingly that I cannot help but wonder if there is something there worth loving. After an entire day of searching at the most wonderful stores in the world i finally found the perfect dress. One that didn't make my breasts too small or make me look too angular. In fact I feel or felt (when I bought it) rather sexy. If there's one thing I have always loved it is dressing up. I have no idea how I am going to burn the day before tonight...but I'm sure I will find something. I am so glad I chose to take this trip, I needed it much more than I knew. There was so much about my life in Boston that needed to be challenged and I had to leave everything and everyone in order to do that. I'm a little fearsome that it will be tough to leave here, but all one can do is cross that bridge when I come to it. Last night I unexpectedly opened up to one of the girls here. We were just hanging out in my room and I started to tell her about my deepest fears and anxieties. it was a little awkward because she is swiss and not english so her grammer and culture are different...but i think we really bonded. Both of us had to alter how we would normally communicate our sob stories and this new speech at least really helped me to reanalyze myself and my own happiness. The people here are so amazing, everyone has something that I admire and am interested to know more about--and they are just so fucking nice it is killing me! I have never had so many friends in my life and try as I may I cannot really dislike any of them (except Gin--yes that is a name and I am sorry I have kept you out for so long Mr. Blog, but I have started my handwritten journal and that gets most of my neurotic thoughts). I don't even mind the constant partying, because well, I can party too! :) Ok, i'm off to do something....I'll let you know how tonight goes.
