The Girl Who Knew Too Much
Just me, a glass of wine and my neurotic ideas marked by compulsive thinkingWednesday, September 10, 2003
Im feeling a little rejected today. I met a great Dane and I thought we really hit it off. I mean, you kinda know these things, right? So anyway he left giving me his email...i emailed and....no response. What the hell? I know he read it. Maybe i was too forward. Maybe I looked like ass. But dammit, I don't like feeling rejected.
Sunday I have a date with Morten. yes, his name is Morten. I ran into him in school today. Hes attractive--quite--but he has bad teeth I discovered today. We'll see. I'm still bummed about the other one.
It makes me feel like poop. All the girls here are so beautiful...and all the men speak danish. I dont even know when im fucking being hit on. (if i am) cuz its in danish. I just want to have sex. I need intimacy right now--i know when you need it is when you dont get it but why does it have to be like that?
We made our teams today in EU business. Of course the cocky american guy from CA had to come and ask to be on my team (does he think im smart or hot? can you tell where my mind is?) with him he brought all his frat boy american jocks. So me and my danish boy (i snagged him first, not hot, but danish...we are HERE TO MEET DANES NOT AMERICANS) are now with all american boys. And yes folks, I am the only girl. Again, Am I buffy or willow? Damn, i think i'm in middle school again.
I hate feeling like a loser.
Sunday, September 07, 2003
I think I have finally come to the realization that I am not a party person. After three weeks of binging and sleeping past noon each day I am sick of trying on new clothes. I long for the privacy of my apartment and the security of a coffee with a close friend. But what can you do when you are in wvonderful copenhagen with these desires? DRINK MORE BEER!!!!
Ok, bad joke. I love the city and I would love to learn to know and love the people but right now I'm feeling a little overpowered by the dorm and the seclusion of its members. We have all of our classes together and do almost everything together so that I never get to meet anyone on my own. When I go out by myself I'm usually shopping or dining and well, we all know that's not really how you make friends. :) Ok, so i left out studying--eventually I will have to start to do that as well. But lately I've just been a little down...maybe it is because I have been nursing an illness now for two weeks or possibly it is because I have yet to get any ass in Europe--I'm not sure, I may just be homesick. I have found myself wonderful what happened in the last episodes of Sex and the City, who got cute summer haircuts from school, and how everyone is enjoying the fall rush at BU. I am absolutely enamored by Europe, but a lot of my heart will always be in America. It's weird because being here makes me wonder if maybe i wouldn't prefer to live here--but it's so tough being so far away. I really do have a home--something I feared I didn't when I was leaving. I guess this is nice to know...although I am still feeling that I am a much too complicated person who scares people by being more than just a pretty face who wants to drink and party. I really cannot and should not complain though because the people here are amazing and all kind and I don't dislike anyone. But I would be lying to myself and to my blog if I didn't admit that I was feeling a little down these last few days. I miss love being a part of my life. It has taken this trip for me to fully come to terms with this--but I really miss being loved intimately, sexually. I know you cannot actively search for love....but I also know that we are all victims of this to some degree. Maybe I should break down and buy a phone card. I have yet to speak to anyone since I have been here.
