The Girl Who Knew Too Much
Just me, a glass of wine and my neurotic ideas marked by compulsive thinkingFriday, September 19, 2003
It's like I find flaws in other people when I'm afraid of the flaws I may find in myself.
I have some serious intimacy issues. After another perfect, ideal, straight out of a movie of two people who are perfect for eachother date, we finally kissed. And well...I don't know. It was nice but in all honesty it was like a kiss from high school. It made me feel like i was a bad kisser. I don't know, maybe it was because it was in public but it was just awkward for me and made me feel like i wanted to run away afterward. WHY AM I SO AFRAID OF AFFECTION?? I can't just let this go and run away like i always do--because i don't think i have ever met someone who i enjoy so much intellectually....and physically...but....when will i be comfortable with myself again?
Monday, September 15, 2003
Ok, so Morten (i know, horrible name, but VERY danish) just invited me to a posh restaurant by the sea (he also checked if they had vegetarian meals) on Thursday. God, I have never been treated so well, he said, "i saw how found you were of the sea..." (we went there the other day by accident after going to this strange S and M thing at a Modern Art Museum, but that is another story). Anyway I don't know how to accept the invitation. I'm clearly so excited but i must say its very nerve racking as well. I've never felt like this about someone before--it's not love, it's not friendship--it's like i'm just so comfortable around him and we get along amazingly. i can't really describe it i just wish i knew what it was. anyway its nice so suffice to say that for now. i really do over analyze. bad ann.
Sunday, September 14, 2003
Well I just had the most amazing date of my life yesterday--and there wasn't even any kissing. It's wonderful, i feel like I'm in a romantic comedy where im the hard edged weird girl who is given a perfect guy and doesn't realize it. Maybe i am jumping to conclusions...but the more i think about it the more i know i really had a wonderful time with someone. this almost never happens for me. Oh well, we'll see--he may not be interested anymore....for the first time i'm a little intimidated--he may dress better than i--oh well, we'll see, we'll see.....
