The Girl Who Knew Too Much
Just me, a glass of wine and my neurotic ideas marked by compulsive thinkingFriday, May 28, 2004
I am about to embark on date number three with zack. I still don't know how to spell his name properly. Anyway. God, I want things to go well. Curse bleeding and god give me strength. GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH!!!!!!!!!!! I really, really, really want things to go well. Please, please please let me shut the fuck up and just allow things to run their course. If they don't go well its probably because i am not getting what i need from him to relax and have a good time--i.e. we are not compadible. So why all the drama? Because i want to have someone who cares about me. There's no more explanation needed. Of course, instead, i have horrible gas, i burned myself with the curling iron and it now looks like some freakish alien gave me a hickey on my forehead, I still have my period, even though i shouldn't so i have a tampon shoved up there where i really want something else (along the lines of things going good tonight)....and....oh yeah, it's raining and yucky outside. I think that's about it. So basically i will be an unattractive, flatulent, hickey foreheaded companion for the evening. OH and im pissed. the slutbag at express said that this nasty belt came free when you bought a certain pair of pants. LIke hello, I get on the T and realize I was charged twenty two bucks for the nasty thing. Um, yeah, I don't THINK so. Man, my life has become superficial. I am just waiting to hear back from the newbury job. I even stopped actively searching for a job and just signed up with a temp agency instead. Lame, stupid, I know....counting chickens before they hatch...but, I just can't believe there is another opportunity so great out there. And I really don't know how to handle this one--you think its difficult not to call the boy you want, how about restricting yourself from calling the employer you want. I want to call him everyday and be like "Did you interview anyone today? Are they better than me? SHould I give up hope or keep hoping?" Man, pathetic. He did say I could call whenever though...I think I will take him up on that at the end of next week. I so very much want to know...jesus, life is too complicated. I think the interview went really well, but my background may not be substantial enough for him to hire me. I don't even know what he is looking for really. He seemed not to really know himself either. Oh well, there is no way to really know without asking--isn't that true about everyone? Steve and I were discussing this today...you take so much on faith that people are similar to you, when truth be told, people are a lot more fucked up than you would imagine...and it's hard to trust that anyone will adhere to a general guideline of social conduct. Ok, enough already...more waiting to ensue...wish me luck!
