The Girl Who Knew Too Much
Just me, a glass of wine and my neurotic ideas marked by compulsive thinkingFriday, June 18, 2004
He didn't call and Kate wants to cancel on tonight.
What the fuck? I am trying to research for my job interviews but i just feel like there is no way in hell I will get these positions. I mean they are so out of my range--and i don't know...as much as i am getting excited about them, i can't imagine them getting excited about hiring me. I guess i'll just have to see what the culture is like there when I'm at the interview...but I don't exactly think I look like that typical administrative secretary in a hospital that people just trust as being smart and friendly and dependable. Maybe I should wear my glasses to the interview--then perhaps i will look smart. I don't know where I fit in this world--I'm feeling very undefined right now. Undefined by my "relationship" with zack, by my lack of direction and vocation, and ultimately my future. I don't know what I'll do today either.
Current Relationship Woes
Right now I'm feeling very rejected. I don't think Zack is interested in me anymore--I don't think he likes me. This makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. It makes me feel like I lack that social gene--the thing that makes you likeable to mass amounts of people. I think a lot of my indecision has to do with my current status of unemployed--i already think of myself as useless right now, that is. I just don't know what he wants or how he feels. I guess that is the root of it. It's getting to the point where I need to ask...
Tonight me and the ladies are going out dancing. Being at An tua nua always makes me think of him. I wonder if he will call me today. I don't think he likes me anymore.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Jobs, Love, and Why Am I so Bloated?
So I surprized Zack yesterday. Don't think he liked that...
So, what do i do?
Play with Marco. Man, am I fucked. It's like I have to cheat on whatever I have with Zack first, so I don't get hurt. I have serious issues. Oh well, only time will tell i suppose. Some people just don't like surprizes. I do, but I'm weird. This is pre established. I have a phone interview with Boston Beer Company in an hour and a half and an interview at Channing Laboratories on Tuesday. I like interviews but I would prefer a job. I'm also really bloated and I don't know why. Too much salt maybe. Today I have kickboxing at 12:00. It's going to suck when I get a job and I can't go to all my fun classes anymore. I'll be forced to workout like a normal person again. I want a job but I am not looking forward to a 8-5 job, five days a week.
Oh well, only time will tell!
